she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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