so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
