$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I just threw up on my dentist
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
