maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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