Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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