I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
