we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
