yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
