yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
only if we run a train.
done.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Randomize
