He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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