So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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