No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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