He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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