do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
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