I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
