Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
