considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
