Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
nutella sex= disaster
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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