I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
