I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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