She is in my trunk
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
