You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
