It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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