From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
