Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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