Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
