How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
