woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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