Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
