Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
