I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
