I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize