I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
