My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
smell my finger.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
