My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I just gift wrapped bread.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize