a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
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