So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Randomize
