it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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