I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
