I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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