On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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