There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
