stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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