We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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