if you like me you must not know who I am
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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