i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
