I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
