If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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