AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
you made out with another girl for some wings
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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