Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
