Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
