Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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