you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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