As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
