OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
