I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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