ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
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