Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
