You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
