I showed him my bush... on skype.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
