So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Randomize
