Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
