Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
