ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Randomize
