She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i dont even know how to be here
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
