At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize