How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
