I must be too annoying 4 u.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Buhtt sex?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
