Clothes are such an inconvenience.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
