Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
