I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
There are leaves in my underwear?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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